no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
