Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
