i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
