I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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