We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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