I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
