I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
