Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
