the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
