I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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