I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
