Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
