So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
