How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
