i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
