ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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