There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i already hear my dad disowning me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
