Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
