The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
