My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
