I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
