So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
