I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
