I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
