I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
