This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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