I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
