honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
