there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
