I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
