that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
