I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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