what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
