we have officially lost it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
