Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
