Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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