Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
