Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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