he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
