just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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