I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
