Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
