How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
