we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
