the new term for farting is butt boxing.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
