you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
