We're facebook friends in real life
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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