R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
