why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
