Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
